


Bittersweet Memories

by rebelsfromstars



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, BIG WARNING!, Character Death, Child's Death, Gen, No drastic descriptions but it still plays a major role, Sibling Love, a little bit of fluffy feelings concerning hera and her brother, so really if someone is not up to read about child's death than pls don't, this is really concentrating mostly on hera's and her brother relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-04-30 05:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14490210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebelsfromstars/pseuds/rebelsfromstars
Summary: Hera remembers her brother. And even if those memories are sometimes more bitter than sweet, she would never forget him.After all it was exactly like her mother told her - there is no other bond like a bond between siblings.





	Bittersweet Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so remember when they released that teaser from Jedi Night about Thrawn nagging Hera with questions about her Kalikori and her brother? I wrote it practically right after I saw it, but never published because then Jedi Night came out and I really didn't want to deal with more angst than in canon. 
> 
> But now some time passed, and I just keep going back in my mind to this story. I changed his name, because I'm pretty sure Hera named her and Kanan's son after her dead brother. I also added one scene thanks to the advice of my wonderful beta [Anoray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anoray/pseuds/Anoray). (Thank you once more!)
> 
> This is pretty heavy, at least as for my writing. So just to warn you once more - Thrawn was probaby right with her brother's death, and that's what that piece contains. (God, now I'm thinking once again how hard life Hera had.)
> 
> Anyway, hope it can help with understanding Hera (it sure helped me to complete her character) and that if you like angst and tears then you can even maybe enjoy this.

Hera's eyes didn't leave Thrawn as he walked away with her Kalikori. Her heirloom. Her family history. Not his. And the fact that he was treating it with the so-called by him respect was even worse. Like he was praising something he had no idea about. Like he was bragging about a new addition to his collection. But to her, it had a personal meaning.  
  
And as much as she hated to admit it, Thrawn was smart. And he was right.  
  
She hadn’t let herself think about Jacen for a long time now. It hurt too much. She thought of him a lot when Sabine, and then Ezra, joined her crew. Especially with Sabine, she felt like she had a similar relationship – a sister and mother at once. But it was Ezra who sometimes was painfully similar to Jacen. The simple joy, the ability to brighten the mood. The childhood innocence.  
  
But now she couldn't help a flood of memories washing over her head. She barely registered Pryce's voice as she let herself remember her brother. The one who died too young and too brutally for his age, and whom she loved deeply.  
  
The one to keep her mind off the things she anticipated Pryce would want to do to her, and which were probably awaiting her.  

***

The loud sound of thunder echoed through the cave's walls. The ground shook violently under Hera's feet, and she held on to her mother's leg to steady herself.

“You're okay, little one?” her mother asked, slightly turning her head towards Hera. She reached out with her hand to touch Hera’s head in reassuring gesture. Her other hand was wrapped around the carrier that she had on her chest with her younger baby in it. Hera couldn't see her sibling like that, she was too short.

“I'm good. How's Jacen?” she asked, looking up at her mother.

“Your little brother is still sleeping. I'm starting to believe he sleeps like a log.” said her mother with a kind smile on her face. Hera couldn't see what she was doing, but the move of her hand indicated caressing the lekku of her brother.

“Come on, Hera. We gotta get moving.” she said next, and Hera didn't have a problem with following her mother's words. This part of caves started to scare her with all that sounds around. Despite her age, she knew what they meant. And it was nothing good.

They kept on walking, her mother at the front; behind them were almost a hundred of other Twi'leks escaping the soon-to-be-collapsed caves. The majority of them were children with a few adults like her mother taking care of them. Hera didn't know a lot of them, especially not kids. Some time ago she spend more time with them, but since her brother was born, her mother insisted that Hera watch her taking care of him and to help her with it. She said it would create a bond between them, one that could only exist between siblings. Hera never complained – she loved to do it. Her little brother was fascinating to her. She couldn't wrap her head around how small he is, how innocent.

She never, though, took care of him alone. She was too little for that.

Another earthquake shook the ground, this time more brutal. Hera managed to hold onto the wall, but not everyone was so lucky. She looked around to see people falling to the ground, not being able to stand on the shaky ground. They took a moment to collect themselves, Hera helping a little boy walking behind her to get on his feet. And then they were off again, her mother rushing them to get away from the bombardment attack as soon as possible.

A few, full of tension minutes passed before they really started to be ahead of the bombardment. Hera started to think that now they could really make it. And there wasn't a thing that her mother couldn't pull off. She would get them to safety. She was her mom after all.

That was when her mother's comlink burst out with an incoming transmission.

“Do you hear me, Tislera?” said the voice from the comlink, and Hera jumped in her place from excitement. It was her father.

“Yes, Cham, I do. What is it?”

“Are you near the conjunction under the plains?”

“We'll be there in a minute. Why?” asked her mother, as they kept on walking. Hera tugged at the material of her trousers to get her attention.

“I need you up here. We can't do this without a good navigator.”

“Cham, I have to get these people out,--their lives are just as important as your battle out there.”

_“Mommy!”_

“Yes, I know that, but without you here, we'll likely lose the battle, and that means a lesser chance for those people to survive.”

Her mother sighed heavily. “I guess, Ilar can lead them,”

_“Mama!”_

“Good. Go up here as soon as you can. I'll leave Gobi to wait for you on the surface. He'll tell you what you have to do.” And just like that her father ended the transmission. Hera stopped nagging her mother, disappointed. Her father was always like that those days. She tried to understand that he had more important things to do, but she hadn’t seen him for quite a long time and just wanted to say hi to him. And now, her mother was leaving too.

“Are you going up there, mama?” she asked. Her mother only nodded her head. Hera didn't pursue the topic.

When they got to the junction, Hera's mother called out for her second in command, Ilar. She instructed Ilar how to leave the bombardment area. They had already a good chance to make it out. Now, it was only a matter of good guide and someone who knew where they were going. Ilar was one of those people, but still Hera would have preferred her mother to stay underground with her. She didn't want to be alone.

When her mother ended her conversation with Ilar, she kneeled down next to Hera. She smiled at her reassuringly.

“Hera, I have an important task for you,” she said solemnly. Hera's focus sharpened immediately. She'd already done a few of important things when her parents asked her to. Usually, it meant crawling through small spaces to get a message to the next group. And it was usually her mother who trusted her with things like that.

“I have to go up and help papa, but I can't take Jacen with me. It's too dangerous. Can I trust you to take care of your brother?” she asked her, and Hera didn't believe what she just heard. She was six, and she’d never been left alone with her brother before. She wasn't sure if she was the right person to do it.

“Can't Ilar do it?” she asked. Her mother shook her head.

“Ilar has her own kids to take care of,” explained her mother, and Hera glanced at Ilar. She had one of her kids in a carrier, and another on her hip. “And I trust you the most, even if there are other adults here. You just have to carry him. He's not heavy. And if something is wrong, if he starts crying, you can always go to Ilar or someone else for help, okay?” Her mother looked into her eyes, wanting to know if Hera was up to the task. And Hera didn't think so, but she also didn't want to let her mother down. And, maybe, indeed, her brother would be safe the most with his sister. She nodded her head, slowly, and her mother smiled. She started to unzap the straps of the carrier.

“I trust you Hera. You are very brave. You can do this,” she assured Hera as she was adjusting the carrier on Hera's chest to her height. When her mother was done, Hera closed her arms around the small body, and looked down at Jacen. He was still sleeping. So far, so great.

“I'll be back soon, don't worry, little love,” said her mother for goodbye, leaning down and kissing Hera's forehead. She caressed Jacen's head, and stood up, about to leave. Hera still stayed in place, though, watching her mother leave. 

“Mama?” she shouted after her. Her mother turned to her, and took a few steps closer.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Will you say _hi_ to the ships in the sky for me? And papa too?” she asked, and she didn't know why her mother's face was suddenly so sad, so in pain.

“Of course little love. Now, get moving, you have to catch up to the rest,” she said, and went off running.

Hera turned in the direction of the corridor, where the last of the people were disappearing. She ran towards it, passing them, before she got to the front to Ilar.

From there, she kept on walking like the rest, following Ilar's lead. She kept them on steady pace, fast enough to get away, but taking into consideration the youngest children, the oldest adults, and the wounded. Hera could easily keep it up, so she didn't have to worry about it.

She looked down inside the carrier when she felt a sudden movement. Her heart started beating faster. _Please, please don't wake up, don't do this,_ she thought, as she observed the expression of disgust on her brother's face. But he didn't wake up. Hera rocked him gently, knowing the action to be soothing from observing her mother. Almost unconsciously, she started humming quietly the song she remembered being sung at the celebrations. It was a song about freedom and wild untamed force of wanting it, of fighting for it. About courage and bravery. About love. And Hera thought it was very fitting.

She smiled when Jacen's expression soothed. His hands spread up on her chest (or maybe more on collarbones, since she was still quite short), and Hera knew the gesture to be a sign of trust. She didn't know why she suddenly felt so moved. She could take care of him and she did good, so this little person trusted her. She felt proud.

In that moment another feeling overwhelmed her. A sudden need to protect him at all cost. From that moment, she knew, she would do whatever it takes to keep her brother safe.

They silently kept on walking, Hera still rocking Jacen even more gently than before. She wasn't talking, singing or even humming now, not wanting to wake him up.

The explosions could now be only heard from very far away, and nothing around them was shaking anymore. They were close to their safe point. Hera couldn't help a feeling of relief slowly taking over her. They were almost safe. They had made it one more time.

Finally, they got to their next hideaway as Ilar told them. The caves here were made up of a few chambers with the biggest one in the center, making it feel like a real house. Those few, separated little 'rooms' gave a privacy to families that needed it. Ilar led Hera to one of them and she sat down next to her.

“You need any help with Jacen?” she asked. Hera shook her head with pride.

“No. He trusts me.” she said with a smile on her face. Ilar reciprocate the gesture.

“Of course he does. If you need anything, just come to me. I have to take care of the rest, but you can always ask for help,” she said with a kind smile and a hand to Hera's shoulder.

Ilar left with a swing of her pinkish lekku and started to direct people to specific chambers and tasks. Some of them carried supplies, some clean water, and some warm blankets. Hera had only packed up things she, herself, needed. She panicked when suddenly she realized that she didn't have anything to feed Jacen with.

Slowly, not wanting to wake him up, she took off her little backpack, and lay it beside her. Holding Jacen to her chest (the carrier kept him there snugly, but just in case), she started to rummage through her backpack with the other. A can of water, ration packs, the only tooka doll she had, a few clothes to change in, and a few of tools her mother insisted her to have in case she needed to protect herself or were needed otherwise. But she didn't have anything for Jacen.

Seeing it as her last chance, she searched the little pocket on the side of the backpack and gave out a little sound of triumph. There it was--a little bottle her mother must have placed there. It only confirmed that she wanted Hera to be the first one to help Jacen if she herself couldn't. Satisfied, Hera put it back in the pocket. At least she knew where to find it if Jacen was hungry.

It didn't look like he would wake up any soon though, to be honest. He didn't make a move, only some delicate sighs through his sleep. Hera smiled looking at her brother. He looked so peaceful, like they weren't in the middle of the war. And maybe he wasn't aware that they were. Hera wouldn't know. She had no idea what infants were thinking. She liked to believe he didn't know. It would make him more calm. It's better to grow up without a war. Hera didn't want him to know the suffering and pain that came from this. She wouldn't like anyone to suffer from it. She saw what it did to people.

She reached out with her hand and caressed the bumps on his forehead up to his lekku gently with her fingers. His hand twitched and … was that a smile in the corner of his lips?

Hera moved to his small fingers, far smaller than her own, and stroked them as well. She still couldn't believe he was so small.

She looked around the cave. People were unpacking, and organizing the space, the way Ilar told them too. Some of them were settled in the chambers like she was and some were even sleeping already, especially the youngest ones. Hera herself decided it wasn't that bad of an idea. The running away had lasted for a long time and they’d barely allowed themselves a break. Just now, Hera felt her legs hurting from walking for such a long amount of time. And Jacen was so close to her that she would wake up immediately if he needed her.

Carefully, she shifted so her back was against the wall. She didn't want to lie down completely, afraid of crushing Jacen if she moved too violently. She didn't know if it was easy to fall asleep in that position, but she had to try.

She was surprised how fast her eyelids closed. The warm weight of Jacen on her chest made it even easier to feel sleepy. He was almost like a blanket, but better. She felt very safe.

 _I hope he feels safe with me too_ was her last thought before falling asleep.

She dreamed of nothing in particular.

When she woke up, she hoped to have her mother beside her. She wasn't there. And when Hera realized what woke her up, she wished for her to be there even more.

It was Jacen. He was crying, and looking at him not awakened completely yet, she wanted to cry, too. What was she supposed to do? What did he need? How was she supposed to know that?

“Shh, shh, don't cry, little one, please, don't cry,” she said quietly to him, trying to soothe him. She rocked him gently and he seemed to calm down a little, but he didn't stop crying, he was only a little more quiet.

Hera tried to stop her own tears from dropping on her cheeks. It wasn't time for that. She should be strong for him and for her mother. And find a solution to the situation she saw as hopeless.

Hera smiled when she suddenly remembered the bottle in her backpack. Maybe she wasn't so hopeless after all.

“Shh, it's okay, I have something for you,” she told him, trying to make her voice sound peaceful, nothing of her own panic slipping through. It would only upset him.

She kept on rocking him with one hand, while looking for the bottle with the other one. When she finally found it, she smiled with triumph.

“Shh, it's okay,” she kept on saying until she got the bottle to his mouth. Jacen started sucking on it instinctively, but he started crying once again after a moment. Hera frowned. What was wrong?

She put the bottle closer to her eyes and just then realized she didn't take the safety cap off. She sighed. She shouldn't let panic and emotion take over her, allowing her to forget an important detail like that. That's what her father usually said to her these days anyway. And he probably was right.

Quickly, she took it off and guided the bottle to Jacen's mouth again.

She let out a sigh of relief when he started sucking and kept on doing this until she took it out, remembering what her mother once told her about overfeeding babies and how it might hurt their stomachs. She watched as the grimace from his face faded to a joyful expression.

“You're good now, little one?” she asked and Jacen smiled at her. She pulled him closer, feeling the sudden need to hug him.

Then she stood up and started bouncing him on her arm. Her mother always did that after she fed him. It didn't work though, the carrier limiting her movements.

Still, being careful, she unzipped the carrier and lied Jacen down on the ground. She pulled him out of it and placed him in her arms. She started bouncing him again gently and heard him making those weirds sounds that her mother told her were a good sign to appear. It meant the food was right or …  or something like that, Hera didn't remember it really well. She just knew it helped the baby after the feeding, so that's what she was doing.

She started pacing and when she turned to the entrance of the chamber, Ilar was standing there, smiling at her.

“Hi, just checking up on ya. How's Jacen?” she asked. Hera smiled.

“I've just fed him. And now I'm doing this bouncing thing my mom is always doing.” she said. Ilar smiled back and reached out to her. She rearranged Hera's hands gently.

“This will be more comfortable for you,” she explained. Hera realized with astonishment that it really was. “And how are you? You ate anything?” Ilar continued. Hera shook her head. Only when Ilar reminded her of it did she notice that her stomach was rumbling quietly. Ilar heard it, and looked disapprovingly at Hera.

“Dear, your mother would kill me, if she knew you missed your meal.”

“It's not that I missed it, I just was sleepy more than hungry...and I woke up to feed Jacen, so I just didn't have time before,” explained Hera. Ilar shook her head, but was smiling now.

“Come on. We found some meat, we're just heating it up,” she said, and gestured to Hera with her hand to follow. Hera walked behind her, still being cautious of Jacen in her arms. She tried to bounce him as well as she could, but he wasn't crying, so maybe she wasn't bad at that.

At the center of the biggest chamber, a small fire was made. A lot of people were sitting around it, with pieces of meat on the sticks. Hera didn't want to ask what was the animal of which meat they were eating. She had done that once and she’d regretted it.

She sat beside Ilar, who handed her a stick with meat  already on it. She kept one hand holding Jacen, and the stick in the other. It was long enough so she didn't have to worry about being too close to the fire.

When the meat was done, she ate in silence, knowing that some people were glancing at her. Some of it was with pity, or sympathy--but some faces were expressing disgust. Hera didn't want to be there any longer than she had to. She was starting to get used to the weird looks thrown her way now and then – she was the daughter of the leaders of rebellious movement. She didn't like it though, especially now.

She thanked Ilar for the meal and walked away, but was able to hear them talking:

“Tislera is very unreasonable to leave her kids alone.”

“I'm looking over them, don't exaggerate it!”

“And it's not like she had any other choice.”

“She doesn't have to do what Cham tells her to.”

“Yeah, but she has to do whatever it takes for us to survive. You could have a little more understanding in you.”

“I'm just surprised she left Jacen with Hera. She's far too young to take care of him.”

“She's doing fine. Syndulla taught her.”

“Cut the chatter. Is it right to gossip about our leaders? Stop it.”

The last voice was the one of Ilar and Hera was grateful for this.

Hera sat in her cave, upset, but mostly angry. She _could_ take care of Jacen. 

As if to confirm it, Jacen took a tip of her lek in his little hands, playing with it. Green and orange. She smiled at him and he smiled back. Children did that often, but at that age only with the closest family, the people who took care of them. Hera raised him higher to look at him. She brought her knees up and laid him on her thighs. He pulled at her lek slightly, so it didn't hurt. He was still smiling, actually grinning at her, and Hera couldn't stop herself from doing the same. She started swaying her legs, but holding his sides so he wouldn't fall. That made him smile more, so Hera did that again.

And then she heard it. Laughing.

He laughed. He had never laughed before because of her. He had smiled a lot, but laughter was a new thing. It was usually only her mother who could bring it out of him.

In that moment Hera decided she wasn’t going to care even a slightest bit about other people's opinions. The only person who could tell if she was good enough to take care of Jacen was him. And if he was laughing, then it was telling it all.

She brought him close to her chest, hugging him. His warmth was comforting and she smiled. He was interested in her lek again, but she didn't mind. He was delicate, and he needed something to play with. In response she stroked his own lekku.

“We're gonna go through this together, right?” she asked him, knowing that he couldn't answer her. But he laughed again.

And that was more than Hera could ask for.

***

“Jacen!” she shouted after her brother. He was only 8-months old now and though he wasn't walking yet, he could crawl very good and very fast. He wasn't talking yet, only a few syllabes here and there that didn't mean much. He could also say _mama_ but nothing more.

Hera turned around the corner and finally found him. There he was.

“Jacen, you can't disappear like that!” she said to him, but he only smiled at her. Hera sighed. She couldn't be angry at him. He was too cute for that.

“Leave that rock and come to me. Please.” she said. He looked from her to the rock he was holding in his hands, laughing. Hera had to hold in her own laugh. He looked ridiculous. She kneeled down and opened up her arms in invitation.

“Come on, little love. Mom left me a surprise for you,” she said. Her mother didn't do that often, but after the first time Hera had proven herself to be capable of taking care of Jacen, she left him with Hera from time to time when she had to take care of other things with her father. Hera hadn’t seen her father for a few weeks now. She wondered if he would be surprised if he saw Jacen now. He was growing up very fast, Hera could see it. And she was spending time with him every day.

Jacen looked at her puzzled, as if he was really considering which was better – a rock, or Hera. Seeing his sister smiling at him tipped the scales. He left the rock and headed towards her, crawling on his legs and arms with a big smile on his face. Hera smiled back at him, and when he was close enough she took him in her arms.

“You're becoming more and more heavy, little guy,” she sighed. She was also taller and stronger than before, but he was still growing faster than her. Her mother told her it was normal when she asked her about it.

She walked with him through the main chamber, as they called it now. They’d been here now for almost three months. The enemy hadn’t found them here, yet. It wasn't the longest they'd stayed in one place, but Hera was already accustomed to some things. The layout of chambers, the direction in which the fresh water was from an underground brook. The people she got to know better who she liked, and those she started to avoid. In that category were especially the ones who said bad things behind her mother's back. And some children who listened to them. It didn't mean Hera and Jacen didn't have anyone to play with. Some kids were nice to them. But some weren't, and Hera didn't like it when they were laughing at her brother. The nagging comments were aimed towards both of them, but Hera was mostly worried about Jacen. She knew he didn't understand a lot, but she didn't want him to deal with it one way or another.

They got to their chamber and she put him down. He began to chew on the sleeve of his shirt immediately while looking around. When he recognized the room, the distress faded out and he smiled at Hera once again. He was a very cheerful child.

“You wanna see what mommy got for ya?” she asked, and saw his eyes lit up. She smirked and reached down to her backpack. She searched it for a while before pulling off what she was looking for.

She moved closer to Jacen and kneeled in front of him. She reached out with her hands and placed a tooka doll on his lap.

“It's a tooka doll. I have one too. We can now play together!” she said in excitement. She reached out to her backpack again, and took out her own toy to show him. Jacen took the one meant for him in his hands, looking at it suspiciously, examining it. Hera laughed.

“Don't worry, it can't harm you. I wouldn't let that happen,” she assured him. He gave an experimental squeeze and when the soft plush yielded under his touch his whole face lit up as he looked up at her. Hera watched him, smiling. He brought it closer to himself, squeezing tightly. He was hugging the toy and Hera was really glad he liked it.

“Do you want to play with me?” she asked, reaching her hand with her own tooka doll towards him. Hera doubted he understood that, so she initiated the play. He followed her eagerly. It involved a lot of talking and explaining from her side while Jacen followed the movement of tookas with his eyes. Mother had told her it was a good thing if she talked to him a lot. And Jacen seemed to be enjoying it, even though the tale Hera was telling with their toys was about war. About two warrior children, trying to make it through another day. They won in the end because Hera believed what her mother once told her: If we give up a hope of winning, we have nothing more to fight for.

Hera lost track of time, involved in the game. Only the sound of laughter, not Jacen's – she could recognize it now – drove her away from that.

She looked up at the entrance of the cave to see a few of children. Unfortunately, the ones she didn't like.

“What do you want?” she asked, harshly.

“Why are you playing alone?” asked one of them, the rest laughing. Hera knew the act was on purpose because of this.

“Maybe because I don't want my brother to listen to those awful things you're saying!”

“So you admit them to be true? That your parents don't love you enough?” asked another one. Hera stood up, creating a shield between them and Jacen.

“You should be grateful for my parents. You all would be dead if it wasn't for them!” she said, not caring that she shouldn't. A few of younger children looked at each other with anxiety, but the older ones just laughed.

“My parents at least stayed with me, and yours didn't! Yours left you!” shouted another one of kids.

“They do that because they love us! What are yours are doing? I'll tell you what – nothing!” she knew it wasn't fair to say that, that everyone had an important role in community, but they started to really play on her nerves. Who did they think they are?

That made a few of kids very uneasy, one even started crying. Hera felt her brother snagging at the end of her trousers, disturbed. She took him up in her arms, wanting to reassure him. She was afraid he’d start crying;  tears were already forming in his eyes.

The encounter started to draw attention though, and Hera didn't even blink before Ilar stood beside them.

“What does that mean?” Ilar asked, eyebrow raised. Hera looked harshly at the group, before answering.

“Nothing important. They were just leaving,” she said and turned from them, going further into their chamber. She watched from afar how Ilar was reproaching the kids, and smiled to herself. She felt bad for telling them things that she knew were untrue, but they’d done the same to her. And they made her brother almost cry. They deserved that.

She rocked Jacen gently in her arms until he calmed down a bit. Remembering what could make him laugh, she lay him on her joined knees and started swaying him, smiling at him. A few moments of this and he was laughing at her sweetly.

She brought him then to her chest, hugging him.

“It's you and me against the world, you know? Far worse things can happen. But we're gonna get through this. Together,” she said to him. She heard him making some sound, but it was muffled by her shoulder. She shifted him to better see his face.

“You said something?” she asked, not expecting the answer that followed.

“Her-a,” he said, and she gasped from surprise. Did he really just say that?

“Jacen? Said that again,” she said, joy overtaking her.

“Her-a,” he repeated and burst out laughing, like her name was the funniest thing in the world.

“I can't believe this! You said my name!” she shouted, cheerfully. Jacen kept on laughing.

“Her-a,” he said once more, probably from seeing her positive reaction.

“Oh, stars, mom won't believe me! This is so great, Jacen!” she said, not only happy that he was learning more words, but also proud that it was _her_ name. He only said 'mama' before, and now he could call for her as well.

She once again hugged him tightly, laughing, and between his own chuckles he repeated her name.

Hera already could feel it. Her own commitment to him. Her love for him. And it seemed he, as best as he could for such a little child, loved her as well. It wasn't by accident that he cheered her up after she showed her distress. No matter what, they had each other's backs.

Her mother was right. There was no other bond like the one between siblings.

***

Hera ran after her mother. She heard what seemed like thousands of footsteps. The caves were shaking like they did half-year ago. They’d found them. The enemy had found them again.

Her mother was carrying Jacen like the last time, but now he was grown up enough to not need a carrier. He was hugging her tightly, not understanding what was happening. He was crying, and some of the youngest children were as well. It hurt Hera to see this, but there wasn't much she could do. She couldn't even reach Jacen from her position, but it was obvious her mother had to carry him – she was faster and stronger than Hera.

Another violent tremble shook everything in the caves. Some little rocks started falling from the ceiling and on the ground. One fell near Hera--her mother's hands were instantly on her head, shoving her away from there.

“We gotta hurry,” she said, looking up. Hera followed her gaze and indeed saw a big crack on the ceiling of the cave. Without a word of protest she followed her mother, shouting her warning to others behind her.

They kept on running, avoiding the falling rocks with the help of her mother. With terror Hera realized the rocks were becoming bigger with every wave.

They made it through another corridor before her mother's comlink beeped. She picked it up with one hand, holding Jacen to herself with the other.

“I don't have time for this, Cham!”

“Tis, we need you!”

“Well, surprise for ya, people here need me now more!”

“Can't you--”

“No, I can't leave Ilar to deal with it! They need the best navigator we have, and it's me!”

“Okay, just be careful. We'll figure out something else.” A ghost of smile on her mother's lips.

“Better hurry, Cham. The situation is very serious--” Her mother didn't end the sentence, as suddenly a huge piece of rock fell between her and Hera. Hera jumped back, instinctively putting her hands around her head.

Hera coughed, particles of dust getting into her nose and mouth. She had to blink a few times before she could open her eyes. There still was dust in the air, not allowing her to see properly.

“Mama? Jacen?” she asked into the darkness of the caves. She heard her mother's groan. And then a terrifying scream filled the air. It was Jacen. He was crying so terribly, like he was in agony. Hera felt like her heart was frozen in her chest. She never heard anything like that in her life, something so bloodcurdling, so painful. She didn't want it to happen, she didn't want them to be hurt …

But if they were, she had to help them.

Bracing herself, she took a few steps forward.

“Mama?” she called out once again.

The dust drifted to the ground, allowing Hera to see. But when she came closer, she could only look in horror.

Everything was red. The ground, the rock, and the people trapped underneath it. Hera knew it to be blood.

“Mama!” she called out, this time close to crying. This couldn't be real, it just couldn't. They always ended up okay, they had to do it this time as well.

She kneeled next to them, Jacen's crying blocking any other sounds that might be coming her way. Her mother had tried to cover as much of him as she could before the rock hit them, but she wasn't fast enough. She’d covered his head, but the rest was unprotected. And the rock … Hera had difficulties looking down at it, but its … its sharp end sliced through her brother's little body. Her mother was crushed by it, but it hadn’t hurt her as much as it did Jacen. Hera didn't know how deep his wound was. She only saw red and knew it was a bad sign. She only heard him crying and knew it to be a better sign, even though her instincts were screaming at her how much pain he was in. But it hadn’t killed him. He was alive.

She couldn't bear looking at the red anymore, so she focused on her brother. She run her fingers up and down his lekku, wanting him to feel the reassurance. She didn't know how much she could soothe him in such a terrible situation.

“Shh, shh, it's gonna be alright,” she tried soothing him like all the times before. He didn't stop crying, but he seemed to calm down a little, became a little more quiet. She kept on stroking his lek, and he reached out to her with his hand. She took it in hers.

“You're gonna be okay, we'll patch you up,” she said, tears forming in her eyes. She had to believe this to be true. But she was so afraid. Usually kids her age didn't know what death means. But she’d seen it before. And she didn't want Jacen to be gone from her life.

She didn't register Ilar coming by her side.

“Shit,” said the older woman, and Hera held in her tears. If adults were swearing around her it couldn't be good. Ilar kneeled on the other side, closer to her mother.

“Tis, we gotta get moving. We'll try to remove the rock …” she started to do so, but her mother shook her head, turning it towards her.

“No, you can't. Jacen ...”

“We don't have anything to cut the rock with. And we have to run!”

 _Anything to cut the rock with,_ Hera thought--and with trembling hands started to search through her backpack.

She took all the tools she had in hands and showed them to Ilar.

“Maybe something from this?” she said, her voice shaking. Ilar examined it for the short time, before shaking her head.

“It's all not strong enough and too small Hera,” she said, looking at her sadly. “Kriff, where are the Jedi when we need them?” she added.  Hera felt shivers running down her spine. It couldn’t end like this.

“The only option is to move the rock.” said Ilar, pain in her eyes. Hera didn't understand it, but if there was something they could do, why couldn’t they just get to work?

“Then do it!” she screamed, tears streaming down her face. Ilar looked at her with sympathy and took her hand in hers.

“Hera, if we do it, your brother practically has no chance to survive. He's gonna bleed out.” Hera shook her head.

“No, no, we'll figure something out,” she said, quieter than she thought, her voice weak. Ilar looked at her one more time, putting her hand on her shoulder.

“I'm sorry,” she said, and looked at Hera's mother.

“Ilar, no, please, no,” whispered her mother, too weak to speak louder. Ilar only shook her head.

“There is no other way. I'm so sorry,” she said to her. Hera threw tools to the ground, and came closer to Jacen. His crying was even quieter than before, but now Hera wasn't sure if it was a good sign. She put her hand on his head, slowly caressing it, and took his hand in hers one more time.

She couldn't think of more words to say. They all failed her, her throat tight from the lump forming there.

But she could hum. It was easier than talking. And it was something she’d already done to reassure him hundreds of time.

So she hummed. She hummed the same song she did a half-year ago to him. The same she sang every night when he couldn't fall asleep, and everytime he was crying. She hummed when they started to remove the rock, her mother's silent _no_ echoing in the background. She hummed when her mother grabbed Jacen immediately into her arms, trying to stop the bleeding. She hummed as her mother stood up on shaking legs, her right arm and hip all wet with blood. She hummed as she heard her mother's weeping. She hummed as she reached to her backpack for Jacen's tooka doll and placed it in her mother's hand. She hummed as she watched her mother giving it to Jacen, his little hands wrapping around the toy, but too weakly to say he was okay.

She hummed as they moved further, Ilar trying to cooperate with her mother to get them away safely. She hummed through the broken voice of her mother, trying to be strong for the rest of the people. She hummed as they went off running, when another wave came. She hummed to not concentrate on her own wildly running thoughts. She hummed when the wide opening made in the ceiling showed Separatist droids firing at them. She hummed as she run, avoiding the blaster fire. She hummed really quietly as she looked behind her and helped a few of younger kids who had tripped. She hummed as she set off running side by side with a younger girl as one of droids came through the opening to the cave.

She hummed as they closed one of the corridors with a big stone. And she kept on humming when she run to her mother, still leading them with the help of Ilar. She almost stopped when she saw the face of her brother, so pale, like all the blood had already drained out from him. Only his fingers twitching around his toy told her that he still was alive.

She hummed when the sounds of battle started to recede. When they reached their next safe point.

She kneeled next to her mother, who was sitting under the wall, crying silently.

“Mama,” she said quietly, hiding under her shoulder. Her mother brought her closer with her broken arm, kissing her forehead. She held Jacen close to her chest with her undamaged, left arm. It was all covered in his blood. And Hera looked at Jacen with terror, his eyes closed, his chest barely moving. In the corner of her eye, she saw Ilar yelling at someone to get help. They had almost no medical supplies with them, especially nothing for children as small as Jacen. The Separatists attacked just before those supplies were about to arrive.

“Hera, go help Ilar,” said her mother, and Hera couldn't recognize her voice. It was terrifying to see her, to hear her like this. Her mother was so strong. She was always so strong.

“No, mama. I wanna stay with Jacen!” she argued. She couldn't leave his side.

“Love, please go, I don't want you to watch this,” said her mother, but her voice was so weak. Hera shook her head.

“I can't mom, I can't,” she said, voice shaking. “I have to stay and watch over him. That's what you told me,” she said stubbornly. She didn't get a response as her mother turned her head away from her, hiding her tears.

Hera reached out with her hands to her brother, but when she touched Jacen, she almost jumped away from the unfamiliar feeling. He was so cold. But she couldn't leave him. She took his small hand in hers, and put the other on his head, gently stroking it. His hand weakly squeezed hers.

And she hummed once more. She started singing quietly. Her voice broke on the last verse, as she felt his hold on her weakening. 

“Hold on, please hold on,” she said quietly, squeezing his hand once more.

This time he didn't squeeze back.

And then Hera cried in her mother's arms, still holding her brother's hand.

She cried till she couldn't anymore, and, so very tired, fell asleep.

She cried when she woke up.

***

Hera held on to those memories as Pryce kept up her interrogation. Hera felt like laughing at her. It would take much more to make her talk. And she had a plan B, if she was close to breaking. She wouldn't give away secrets of the Rebellion. This fight was too important for her she’d sacrificed too many things for it. Her brother had died in another fight, and that same war had taken her mother away. And her father in a different way. It might take her away before she and Kanan would have a chance for their future together. It might take her away from her kids, Ezra and Sabine. But she couldn't think selfishly. People's freedom was more important than her life.

But she was also grateful for those good memories. The ones of her brother, taken before his time. The ones of her mother, inspiring her to be the better version of herself, to be strong, to be good. The ones of her father teaching her how to survive, how to make a plan, how to be a leader. The ones of Kanan when he laughed, when he held her, when they stormed together through the battle. How powerful they were together. The ones of Sabine painting in her room, and Zeb, Ezra and Chopper chasing each other around the _Ghost_. The ones of pure joy when she was flying.

They all made it easier to not break. Because she had someone to fight for.

And in the end it all was worth it.  


**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to change it, so for the sake of this fic let's imagine Hera didn't know yet about her pregnancy. Besides, we really have no idea if she did.  
> Also, I know some things that Hera does or feels for a 6-year old should not appear yet, but taking into consideration her personality I thought she would be developing a little faster than normally. Especially, when you think about how her mother wanted her to watch her taking care of her brother, how they all lived in one big community, and how they lived through war.


End file.
